Still I have my strengths, and still

Sitting here alone wondering if you'd do this if you knew what you were getting yourself into.

You can't say no to this. But you also can't say yes.

............................

It's weird how much stronger I feel now than just a few months ago. I really do; this is real. Suddenly it seems that I'm one of those incredible people that I've always admired: who are capable of looking at the fucked-upness of the world around them and acknowledging the horribleness without starting to feel unbearably horrible, then just calmly carrying on doing their best. The horribleness still stings, often intensely; it just doesn't ache for so long. I always wanted to be this way, but I wasn't sure whether it was possible.

Thanks Leela. Thank you.