I have a problem.
I no longer fully recognize the person who wrote this blog. My online life in its entirety feels distant and weird to me.
Everything that's happened in the past year has changed me. The whole Writing School thing. Maybe one day I'll tell you all about it. Now I feel wonderfully disoriented. Meeting all these people, hearing all these stories, being challenged in all these new ways has turned me into a better writer, and probably even a better person, and now it makes me uncomfortable to know that these earlier versions of me exist on the internet. Like a series of drunken selfies.
Phineas, my dear friend — what should I do? Should I just erase this online presence?
I probably shouldn't. I don't want to lose you in the dark as well.
Maybe this is just a passing moment of confusion and I'll get over it.
How are you, by the way?
Sunday, 9 October 2022
Dear Phineas,
Monday, 31 January 2022
I'm here now
I've been writing this blog since October 2015.
This place has basically been my secret diary, although the intention has always been to one day make it public. So that's what I'm doing now.
About a week ago I noticed that the mobile version of this blog looked like crap. It wasn't nice and easy to navigate, the way the desktop version is.
Damn smartphones... I started trying to fix it, which turned out to be mind-numbingly difficult. I don't know about you, but I can say that whenever I have to spend whole days wrestling with a machine that refuses to do something I want it to do, I truly, unironically, lose the will to live for a while. There's just something profoundly deadening about spending 11 hours in front of a computer, trying to stop Blogger from mindlessly ruining your blog.
I tried all kinds of things. At one point I even exported the whole blog to WordPress. To do that, I had to google instructions and found myself in a horrible alternate universe filled with articles about ARE YOU SERIOUS ABOUT MAKING MONEY AS A BLOGGER? and HOW TO OPTIMIZE YOUR SEARCH ENGINE VISIBILITY and DON'T DO THIS IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HURT YOUR BRAND. At that point, my soul started whispering something along the lines of "fuck this shit".
So now the background of the mobile version of this blog is some sort of Mediterranean living room... I'm actually starting to love the crappiness of it all.
I spent two or three days going through everything I've posted here. I started from the beginning and then gradually traveled in time. It was a weird experience. When I look at the stuff I wrote in 2015, it's clear that I was very cranky and in a dark place. Then in 2016–2017, somehow, I started to change. And now I'm sort of cranky again. Still, despite the setbacks, I do think I'm gradually becoming Dumbledore.
Do whatever you want with all this. By reading through this blog, you may discover
– what people get wrong about the nature of reality
– what the biggest moral question in the world is
– the purpose of sadness
but mostly it's just autobiographical shitposting.
Oh and please don't assume that my worldview is some static block of immovable opinions. If something I've written here seems stupid or ignorant to you, please let me know!!! I love becoming less stupid. And for some reason, I don't get offended easily, so honestly, just tell me what you think. About anything.
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| Me and my father |
I also want to point out that even though some of the posts here deal with human idiocy and other such themes, on a personal level I'm not interested in judging anyone. It's not easy to be a human being. Believe me, I know..........
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I may be "the author", but the official protagonist of this blog is clearly Buster Keaton:
Unfortunately, the official supporting character seems to be Richard Nixon. (Please don't blame me... I don't make these decisions.) Here's Richard Nixon playing the piano:
